I Hate April Fools Day

Ah, at last it's April 2nd. Good effing riddance to April Fools Day for another year.

You might have noticed that I didn't post much yesterday. This is because I have an incredibly hard time believing anything I see or hear on April Fools Day. Occassionally there will be a few jokes that are worth checking out (I particularly liked Alpine Legend and Gmail Autopilot), but for the most part, the internet just dissolves into a big pile of crap.

...I mean, more so than it already is. :P

That being said, there was an abnormally large volume of RPG news yesterday, most of which appears to be legit. However, due solely to the fact that the information was released on April Fools, I will be reporting most of it under the RUMOR label until confirmation appears on a day that isn't yesterday.

Just thought I'd give you the head's up.

Poll Results

Good morning, everyone!

Just reporting the results from last week's poll. It looks like the majority of people are interested in more RPG previews, so starting this week, I will be doing a feature called The First 3 Hours, in which I'll give you my hands on impressions with new or import RPGs. I hope to have one up this week for Megami Ibunroku: Devil Survivor, so definitely be on the look out for it.

The second most requested feature was Obscure Game Tuesday, which is one of my favorites, so I'll definitely try to start that up next.

Again, thank you all for your participation with the poll and for your comments. Eventually, I will try to integrate all (or at least most) of the suggested features.

Here's to an RPG-filled 2009!

Versing Your Agito with New Final Fantasy XIII Scans

Some new-ish screens and small trickles of "information" regarding Square Enix's latest titles in their other flagship series, Final Fantasy, have come down from above via the recent edition of Jump.

First up, the Final Fantasy XIII scan is definitely the most "detailed" of the three (not actually an accomplishment in this case), giving "explanations" of four new screenshots, most of which show off Lightning in various shots with "that guy in the toque" and "that archer chick." (I know "that guy in the toque" has a name, I just can't remember what it is right now.)

The first one shows off a couple of people (who look to me like Lightning and "that guy in the toque") surrounded by blue. The caption explains that the blue is actually a lake, and that the huge... thing just fell into it, causing the waves. ...So, are they floating, or just standing on the water? I don't know?

Next are a couple of screens with the three "revealed" characters standing around, looking depressed (or worried, so some similar emotion). Apparently, the water in the lake mentioned above has hardened somehow, and these pics are taken on it (the lake, that is). Also, "that archer chick" is apparently from the "Lower World."

Finally, the last shot explains that the heroes hear a voice, look up, and notice that they are surrounded by enemy forces! Why are they being chased?

The next scan for Final Fantasy Versus XIII, which only shows off two new screens. I could translate what the captions say, but they offer nothing but a literal description of the shots. Which is, there is a guy wearing black, with a solemn expression, who has just climbed a staircase. Then, there is a girl in a white dress looking at a strange painting.

Like, stop the presses! Is she really looking at a painting!? Breaking news: art appreciation in Final Fantasy Versus XIII CONFIRMED!

Finally is the cell-phone and PSP Final Fantasy Agito XIII. Again, only two screens for this one, but somehow, even less information than the previous two.

All we get is the fact that there are some people (I won't attempt a guess at their genders right now) who are in a magic institution. Also? They fight a soldier, who we can guess may or may not be an enemy. Oh, and the game will also be on PSP. Yes, that really is all it says. I couldn't make this stuff up, I promise.

Now, if you will, please take a moment to let this raging torrent of information soak in. Yes, this is Final Fantasy XIII marketing at its finest. 8 "new" "screens." No real info. No gameplay. Everyone wants these games. We get it.

Honestly? I'm really tired of Final Fantasy XIII already. For a game well over a year away with no gameplay details shown or revealed, we sure hear about it an awful lot. Don't even get me started on Versus or Agito.

Dear Square Enix: When you have a game to show me, please call and we will have a nice long chat, and enthusiastic coverage. Until then, stfujpeg. Thanks.

Your friend,
Brandon

Sword Machine Draws Near. Command?

Welcome to the little guys' RPG blog: Sword Machine!

At Sword Machine we pledge to report on whatever we want and tell you what we think as we think it. No self-censory here, and definitely no corporate influences, just RPG news, previews, reviews, media, and opinions from RPG lovers for RPG lovers.

How do you like that?

~Brandon Palaver